Can I pick you up?
by kimihime97
Summary: Izaya's boredom leaves Shizuo as a victim to very bad, very lame pick up lines. M for language and dick jokes.


**I know I should be working on my main fics buuuut...oh well.**

 **Enjoy~**

"If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine lives with you."

Shizuo blinked, slowly looking up from his cell phone to stare at the man staring back at him from across the table. He arched an eyebrow at him slowly. "Izaya, what the hell?"

"Not cute?" Izaya pouted slightly before he waved it off, leaning back and sipping from his drink. The bustling noise of the cafe they were seated in sounded around them and he smiled at Shizuo again. "Don't you like a good pick up line?"

"I...guess?" The blond murmured as he put his phone away. "But only if it's a _good_ one."

Izaya scoffed. "That wasn't good? Fine, then what is a good pick up line to use on you?"

Shizuo shrugged lightly, reaching for Izaya's drink and taking it from him, drinking some. "I don't know. If I heard a good one I'm sure I'd know."

That was the wrong thing to say and he knew it as soon as he saw his lover's lips twitch up in a small, playful smirk. Shizuo rolled his eyes and went back to eating, mentally hoping that the other wouldn't do anything embarrassing in public.

"Ne, Shizu-Chan," Izaya chirped, idly watching some customers leave and some more walk in.

"Hm?" Shizuo hummed as he ate.

"Your body is sixty-five percent water, and I'm thirsty as hell."

Shizuo choked a little bit on his fries, blinking up at the grinning informant. He squinted at him before he push the other's drink back to him. "Then drink the drink you paid for." He stated bluntly.

Izaya huffed slightly, taking the drink anyways. He took a sip and thought for a bit, watching Shizuo eat. He smiled a little bit. Shizuo was too cute sometimes, even when he wasn't trying to be. He must have stared longer than he thought because when Shizuo looked up at him, the blond cocked his head at him. "What?"

"Sorry, you're just so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line." Izaya smiled brightly as he watched Shizuo's face turn a light shade of red.

Shizuo looked away and grit his teeth. "Knock it off!"

Izaya chuckled softly, inwardly delighted at the blush that was on the other's face. Shizuo took Izaya's drink again and stood up, huffing softly. "I'm going to go get a refill." He muttered.

Izaya watched him walk away, not at all denying the fact that his eyes were locked on the blond's ass. It'd been a while since they had last had sex, maybe _that_ was why he was so restless suddenly. That made a lot of sense.

To him, at least.

Shizuo came back and Izaya spoke up again as Shizuo took a drink. "Excuse me, but would you mind if I pleasured you with my tongue?"

If Shizuo had been red before, he was twice as red now. His mouth fell open in shock, eyes wide behind his glasses. Between them was a long, heavy silence, before Shizuo's grip clamped down so hard on Izaya's drink that the cup broke and soda splattered to the floor. Izaya jerked and stood up, smiling brightly. "I'm going to go pay for our food!"

Shizuo grunted under his breath, reaching up to grab a napkin and wash his hand off. "Damn idiot flea..."

They left the cafe together not too long after that, walking side by side down the sidewalk. It was bright outside, warm, and Izaya was still smirking. It made Shizuo uneasy. He decided to ignore him, though. Without attention, Izaya calmed down. Usually.

"Ne, Shizu-Chan?"

Shizuo mentally sighed. "Yes?"

"Can I borrow something?"

The blond glanced at him. "Depends on what it is."

Izaya grabbed his arm and turned Shizuo to face him, pressing his lips to Shizuo's for a split second. "A kiss. I promise I'll give one back."

Shizuo jerked back, a hand covering his lips as he turned away to hid his blushing face. "Damn idiot! Keep walking!"

Izaya sighed, shaking his head as he started walking again. "You're no fun, Shizu-Chan."

"Don't say those embarrassing things while we're with Celty and Shinra, you got that?" Shizuo muttered as he caught up with him, still twining their fingers together to let the other know he wasn't _too_ angry.

Izaya grinned. "Well, if you insist..."

That didn't mean Shizuo _believed_ Izaya would control himself. The visit to Shinra and Celty's went decently to begin with. Celty and Shizuo played video games (and _no_ they were not being " _too_ " competitive) while Shinra and Izaya talked about...whatever it was they talked about. Shizuo didn't pay much attention, but he was a little on edge. He could feel Izaya's eyes on him most of the time, and the initial worry that the other would say something embarrassing lingered heavily in his mind for a while.

After a few hours, though, the nagging suspicion ebbed away and Shizuo fell into the grove of their little get together. Near evening, Izaya had gone to the kitchen to help Shinra make dinner while Shizuo and Celty hung around. Shinra and Izaya had made homemade ramen, and Shizuo was content as he sat down again on the couch beside Izaya to eat.

"Who won?" Izaya asked, gesturing to the video game still on screen on the TV.

"Me," Shizuo scoffed, smiling a bit.

"For once," Shinra snorted, only to be elbowed by Celty right after.

Shizuo squinted at him for a second and then huffed, eating his food. "Ass."

Izaya chuckled and then hummed, one hand absently picking at the fabric of his shirt on his shoulder. "Ne, Shizu-Chan? Will you feel this for me?"

Shizuo paused, noodles half way to his mouth. "...Why?"

"It feels weird to me," Izaya huffed. "Here, feel it. Please."

Shizuo rolled his eyes and set his bowl down carefully before he reached out and felt the other's shirt. He frowned and shrugged, looking back at him. "It feels fine to me, what does it feel like to you?"

"Like boyfriend material."

Shizuo paused and squinted at him. "Excuse me?"

"It feels like it's made of boyfriend material," Izaya grinned at him, leaning in to kiss Shizuo's cheek.

Shizuo jerked back and huffed, grunting as he grabbed his bowl of food and moved to sit on the floor. Izaya blinked and huffed. "Shizu-Chan!"

"I can't believe you." The blond grunted.

"That wasn't even a _good_ pick up line," Shinra snorted from his spot, trying not to giggle for Shizuo's sake.

"It was cute," Izaya insisted, giggling. He looked down at Shizuo and grinned. "I have a better one."

Shizuo groaned into his food. "For fuck's sake...let's hear it."

Izaya grinned down at him. "You must be the reason men fall in love."

Shizuo blinked and blushed brightly, refusing to look back at the other. From the side Shinra finally giggled, shaking his head. "That one was kind of cute."

Izaya chuckled, feeling a little satisfied as he saw the steadily increasing blush on Shizuo's face. He dropped the pick up lines for a while, ruffling Shizuo's hair before he moved to sit on the floor with him. "Do you like the ramen? Shinra and I made our own mixture of seasonings this time around."

Shizuo huffed but nodded, relaxing a little as Izaya leaned into him. "Yeah, it's good. Kind of spicy, but not in a bad way."

"We figured it could use some kick to it," Shinra smiled, noisily slurping his noodles in a way that made Izaya shudder.

After dinner was finished and they had helped clean, Shizuo and Izaya left to go back to Izaya's place. They walked peacefully, mostly, with Izaya's fingers twined tightly with Shizuo's. Shizuo was less edgy now, probably no longer ticked off about the earlier pick up lines, which made Izaya grin to himself before he sighed dramatically. "Shizu-Chan, I think there's something wrong with my eyes."

Shizuo blinked and glanced over at the other, mildly concerned. "Why?"

"Because I just can't seem to take them off of you."

Shizuo stopped mid-step and gawked at Izaya, a steady blush rising in his cheeks. He grit his teeth and covered his mouth, tensing up. "You damn idiot..."

Izaya let out a soft chuckle. He knew Shizuo wasn't too angry because it wasn't a big secret to him that the blond actually liked when Izaya was affectionate to him. Shizuo was horrible at responding to affection sometimes, but it was cute and it presented Izaya with more than enough opportunities to make the other flustered.

Izaya smirked to himself and kissed Shizuo's cheek before he grinned up at him. "Did you hear the news?"

Shizuo blinked, hesitant. "...What news?"

"The word of the day is 'legs'," Izaya told him, fingers slipping into the belt loops of Shizuo's pants. "How about we go back to my place and spread the word?"

Shizuo's blush intensified and he jerked away, stomping away from Izaya. "Keep talking like that and I'll go back to Shinra's!"

"Don't be so sour!" Izaya hurried after him, smiling as he took hold of Shizuo's hand again. He brought their hands up and kissed Shizuo's before he smiled. "Don't be like that, I want you to stay over tonight."

"Then stop being annoying," Shizuo muttered, though his voice lacked any real venom. He sighed and shook his head a bit. "Idiot..."

"Do you have to work tomorrow?" Izaya asked him.

"Yeah."

"What time do you get off?"

"Like, around the same time as-"

"Can I watch?"

Shizuo blinked, caught off guard, and he frowned in confusion. "...Can you watch?"

Izaya blinked back at him, amused look fading. "...You didn't get it?"

Shizuo cocked his head to the side. "Get _what_?"

"Oh my god," Izaya chuckled softly, biting his lip. "What time do you _get off,_ Shizu-Chan?"

Shizuo shrugged and furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "The...same time as today, like I was going to say."

"No, babe," Izaya laughed again as they crossed a street. " _Get off_ , as in in the _sexual_ way."

Shizuo's eyes widened behind his glasses as he blushed, internally pissed off that he hadn't caught that. He groaned and raked a hand through his hair, gritting his teeth. "You're unbelievable."

"And you're sexy." Izaya added cheerily, getting a few looks from other people walking past them on the side walk.

Shizuo didn't bother groaning this time, settling instead for sighing. "You're horny, aren't you?"

"I've been horny all day," Izaya nodded, still grinning. "I've kept most of my dirty lines to myself though, just to protect your dignity in front of Celty and Shinra. I should be rewarded."

"You think I'm going to suck your dick after that lame ass 'boyfriend material' stunt?" The blond snorted.

Izaya pouted, taking that as a rejection. But he smiled and shrugged. "Well, I'm no weather man but _you_ can be expecting more than a few inches tonight."

Shizuo fought off his blush and replied in a clipped tone, "Of rain? Perfect, I bet your laptop will look lovely soaking wet on the pavement."

Izaya chuckled and hummed. "I'm usually right on top of everything. Would you like to be one of those things?"

"Sorry, I know for a fact that you're behind on work. Are you setting me up for disappointment?" Shizuo asked him.

"If I'm a pain in your ass we can just add more lube," Izaya mock sighed, shaking his head.

"Or we can start doing nothing at all," Shizuo suggested lightly, smiling. "Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder."

"And the dick grow weaker," Izaya actually did sigh this time, squinting at Shizuo. "I'd fuck you so hard, you'd learn from it."

"Learn about crushing disappointments?" Shizuo asked, forcing back a wide grin. Truthfully, the playful banter was starting to rile him up, too. Damn that Izaya.

"Let's play house," Izaya replied smoothly, not missing a beat. "You be the door and I'll slam you all night long."

"Sorry, I was told not to play with strangers." Shizuo replied.

Izaya made a soft noise and tugged Shizuo to a stop, leaning in to kiss him firmly on the lips before he grinned. "There, now we aren't really strangers anymore."

Shizuo scoffed and pushed the other away, chuckling lightly. "Fuck you."

"Soon." Izaya promised.

They dropped their little game for the rest of the way home, though now Shizuo's body was heated up, and his skin tingled every time Izaya's hand brushed his. They got to Izaya's place and made it inside, kicking their shoes off. Shizuo tried to brush off the sexual tension between them, but when Izaya pressed himself against his back, the blond let out a soft noise. "Idiot."

"Your fault," Izaya chuckled, nipping the other's ear before he pulled away.

Shizuo shot him a look over his shoulder before he shook his head again. "Can I at least get a snack before you start molesting me?"

Izaya snorted to himself, crossing his arms. "You never cease to find a way to ruin the mood."

"Shut up, I can have you back in the mood in two seconds flat and you know it." Shizuo retorted with an eye roll, walking to the kitchen.

Izaya pouted slightly, sighing through his nose. "Ass..."

"Don't be a douche," Shizuo snickered. He came back a few minutes later, a pudding cup in hand as he went to sit on the couch.

Izaya watched him eat his pudding for one long, strained minute, before he chuckled to himself. "Ne, Shizu-Chan, do you like pudding?"

Shizuo froze and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "...I'm going to have to ask you why, Izaya."

"Because I'm going to be puddin' this dick in your ass."

 **I don't have a valid excuse for this. Pick up lines are my weakness. Review?**


End file.
